dearest ranges, prairies, wheat fields, and cotton:::
i've had dreams about you lately. there have been no things in my line of vision, no obstruction from horizon.
it's cooler out this morning. skies blue. coffee hot. black due to lack of milk. i haven't had time to sit down for a week. Ashamed to have drank some of my coffee in to go mugs. Coffee, I declared a few years ago, is not a "to go" drink. It is to sit and contemplate, to rest. _____In Spain, throughout the day, most of one's breaks came from grabbing a cafe con leche in one of the many cafes, taking off your boots, chatting with fellow peregrinos. Especially when it rained, it was one solace one could take, and take care of oneself. I remember hiking up, alone, in a mountainous region towards Galicia, through cloud infested towns, sick, cold, tired, wet. Stumbling into a lone cafe in one of the mountain towns...coffee has never tasted so good to me as in that moment.
"How did you sleep?"
"Oh, I suppose alright."
"No, I mean, HOW did you sleep, like, how'd you do it."
"Well, I play hard all day, beat the shit out of myself, and then, there's really no question. I'm exhausted."
I'm playing a part in a play. Letta, the beautiful floozy from Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. It's a small role and we're being filmed and projected into a dollhouse. I like acting. I don't know if I'm any good. It's true, I do like the stage. Ever since I was little, I recall dreams of acting on stage, or performing on stage, or being on film, or behind the camera. I sometimes wonder why I strayed from this want. It was, so, I became an athlete.----(AH DANCING!)
"get up get up, time for class!" says the Russian instructor. He was my first teacher. Had class on Sunday, the class that used to knock me to the ground---I can now complete and work on the combinations given.
You have to measure yourself with relativity--not with comparison to the rest of the globe-- I thought, after class, so YES, I may not be as good as one could suppose, but let's remember the countless years I could not touch my toes--now, resting my nose upon my knee cap comfortably. Let's remember attempting to drive stick on The Washington Coast, scared, alone, receeding. Now, I cruise around in Quinn, shifting through her gears with such ease and grace...to meet friends, to see people I know, to drive he or she to the airport because I will miss them.
change, can be most excellent.
My family got together Sunday evening for a dinner. Just the four of us. My mother called and said "LET US GO TO THE SMORGASBORD" Of course of course! We sat and ate and chatted and drank coffee until we closed the restaurant. I thought, this is my family? And I have so much fun! And my, we are so inappropriate, and thank you, ma and pa for all those soccer games you attended. NOW DAD, I am more aggressive than my own good! They leave for Hawaii today for five weeks.----but really, as we all stood up at the table to don our jackets and leave into the October airs I thought, my, I feel, actually, quite small, tiny if you will. I looked at my mom, my dad, my brother, all taller and well built and I thought--yes, this is my family, this is where I feel at home in the world, with these people. Stumbling around other people's kitchens, tinier folk, people who can break with the slightest tap, I feel a big fish in a small pond. Around my family, I feel normal, instant, I move around with grace and ease.
so thank you, ma and pa and ancestral counterparts, for making me tall and well built and strong---so I can dance grand and live big, with microscopic intentions.
If I spoke French, I wouldn't be here...
Until next time----think about the importance of the color----
BROWN.
caio,
K
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