enlightenment and a muggy octobre.

Yes. I spelled October wrong, or rather, correctly, in French.

It was on purpose. So don't snarl, or sneeze, or choke on your cube of ice, or be upset---

it's silly to get upset, because now i have explained myself.

Isn't that all it is? I have begun, especially after this weekend of "past coming to haunt you and expose the fact that you did not deal with something in a healthy way and now it's returning to eat you alive"

I do, in fact, believe that no one can achieve any sort of answer or understanding by one's own self. Any sort of individual achievement is based off of false pretenses. No matter the feat, the self reliance, another individual, however it may be, gave you some sort of tip off or suggestion or caress or exposure that without, you would not be where you are. Proof?

Proof is the scientific studies that have been done on children that have not been touched as a small child, abandoned, left to fend for themselves----they do not grow, they stagnate because, well I can't tell you scientifically because, but I attempt to understand it as not being in touch with the world, not being connected, staying within the self--and then there is no growth.

And so, we beings interact on a constant basis or a not so constant basis, but we interact. And, oh, how we will always be stumbling and living and working with people with whom we don't agree or even like, or in love with someone, or what have you, and there needs to be communication. Something as simple as, "I'm cold", or "I'm sad" or "I need this".

Is this making sense? That I am not allowed to get angry at another, unless I have completely communicated my needs and wishes. Otherwise, it is your own silly fault for not putting it out there. Even then, it seems, once you have communicated, the anger disappears---it's pointless, because if you have communicated all you can, and they still do not hear you, or do not have the maturity to sit down, listen, compromise, be patient and give explanation, response, a communication of their own needs--then it is something from which you should walk away and cease to have expectations.

But it's on our own selves, to communicate, and it's also upon our own selves that when someone else is trying to communicate, that we listen.

What is needed here: IS TIME.

I could talk more about this, but I can only allow myself a few moments for this blogging business.



Today, I think I reached Western Enlightenment. I was juggling the world--- my bags, an LL Bean wool sweater (WHICH I BOUGHT YESTERDAY FOR A DOLLAR!), some groceries, a cup of coffee from La Colombe, at the bus stop, I called my parents in Hawaii. Just then, the bus came-- I said "HOLD ON MOM", reaching in for two dollars, boarding the bus:::::

THERE I WAS. ON BUS 48. DRINKING COFFEE. THE ONLY POSSESSIONS I NEED PILED IN TWO BAGS AROUND ME. A WARM SWEATER. FOOD.

i thought, yes, so it is that I am hearing about the weather in Hawaii. There it will be sunny,

and here, I know a few things of importance:

it is a muggy Octobre.

my brown coat is at the cleaners.

three and a half years ago, I wanted to move to Alaska and work on a fishing boat----
maybe it's time I take a look at the fact that sometimes, I still do.

but gosh, the combinations that Natalia gives us...



au revoir mes amis.